Quake Wars Jokes

(ED209) #1

To celebrate the… uhhh… misplacement of the Quake Wars forums I say we celebrate by re-telling some Quake Wars Jokes!

:orbital:

A Covert Ops walks in to a bar and up to a beautiful woman. They talk for a while and he thinks he is making progress. He wants to impress her so he starts to show her his gear. He shows her his hacking tool, sniper rifle and silenced pistol. He then reaches in to his bag… Suddenly the woman slaps him on the face and walks out of the bar.

The Covert Ops shouts after her “Wait! I wanted to show you my THIRD eye!”

(otakustar) #2

she wanted to see a trojan :smiley:

rememberd that one :infiltrator:

(Susefreak) #3

eerhm, a really bad one:
Why did the Strogg not invade Italy?
Because they heard the Italians eat Makroni!

EDIT:
Luckily I saved some of the ETQW comics too:
HexenTerzo posted these originally

(Apoc) #4

What did the Opressor do to the woman to find himself in jail?
Violater

(signofzeta) #5

The airstrike totally sucks because every time I throw it, the strike only works maybe in the outskirts map, and for sure in the antarctic half of the slipgate map.

(Gradis) #6

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was raining arty.

taa daaa

(canvasback) #7

Q: Why does Kermit the Frog only play GDF?

A: He loves getting ‘hogged’…

Ba-dum-dum

(ED209) #8

Q: What did the Strogg Technician call the urn at a GDF funeral?
A: Spawnhost cremated

Q: What did the Technician see at the GDF Adult book shop?
A: Spawnhost X-Rated

Q: Why did the GDF Soldier cross the road?
A: To avoid being eaten by the Makron

Q: Why did the Strogg Technician cross the road?
A: The Makron was still hungry

Q: Why did the Makron cross the road?
A: All the food was on the other side

(signofzeta) #9

Do people even get this joke yet?

(Szakalot) #10

I honestly have no idea what it is about:p

I think I have a CLUE as to what is supposed to be funny, but damn me if I knew why:p

(Stroggafier) #11

I’m guessing the “joke” is that its the player that sucks and not the air strike feature? But, its only a guess.

(ED209) #12

Earth humor… never mind :infiltrator:

(WhiteAden) #13

best one yet :oppressor:

(light_sh4v0r) #14

oh look, Whiteaden pretends to be alive!

(WhiteAden) #15

my internet is alive, so I can breath my fiery postifying breath onto the interwebs… I cannot however breath my blanks into your face ingame…

(Stroggafier) #16

Warning: Risqué Joke

A Technician walks into his war-time shovel carrying a still breathing, but mutilated human female. His strogg wife is waiting in bed. The Technicain says "Honey, this is the rotting dead thing I get it on with, when you’re not around. His Strogg wife says, “If you weren’t so dumb, you’d see she’s still alive.” The Technician replies, “And if you weren’t so self-centered, you’d know I was speaking to the human”.

(signofzeta) #17

ok ok.

You know the airstrike is called the Vampire right?

Now you know those vampire jokes where they “suck” as in they suck blood?

I don’t know much about vampire lore, but I think they can survive when the sun is blocked by clouds, hence maybe outskirts since it is a rainy day. I also said Antarctic half of slipgate map because it is night time for sure.

Now when I say it only works on outskirts and antarctic half of the slipgate map, I mean that vampires are only active in the night, or when there isn’t light.

The other maps have some sort of light, so therefore vampires are useless.

(light_sh4v0r) #18

Ah right, I didn’t get it :stuck_out_tongue:

(Apoc) #19

worst joke ever.

(Stroggafier) #20

So, what you meant, @signofzeta, was…

“Did you hear about the Field Ops that threw a Vampire? …It sucked.”