most funny noobish action - post your experiences!

(HillBilly) #41

I’m an allied engineer on battery and we’re getting our asses kicked bad. Must have been 3 or 4 experienced axis field ops arty/air-strike spamming us and at least one good covert ops satcheling our assault ramp the second we built it (the 3 or 4 times we actually DID get to build it). Just going nowhere…hopeless.

So with 4 minutes to go, I decide I’ll try the back door as a covert ops and see if I can get a uniform off some poor axis nub and get in that way.

I get around back and sure enough like half the damn allied team is hiding out back there, all being quiet and hiding except for one allied assclown who’s shooting/nading through the machine gun nest window at NOTHING…great…so much for surprising some axis fool who decides it looks quiet enough to open the back door.

I ignore him and hide by the back door anyway and sure enough some axis nub opens the door right away. I blow him away as he retreats back inside and get in the door alone before it closes on me, a second axis pops around the corner and I kill him too.

By now I’m at near zero health, so I figure satchel the generator first, let all my teammates in before someone blows on me and I die, and we’ve got it! I’ll steal my uniform off one of these 2 afterwards. 3 minutes to go, no other axis around back and there has to be at least one or two engineers in the camping gaggle out there! Wiiiiiiiin!

So, still in my allied uniform, I run towards the generator, satchel in my sweaty hands and just as I pass the machine gun nest window… Mr. Allied Assclown Window-Spammer peers in and shoots me dead from outside even though he saw me go in the door not 5 feet from him a second ago and couldn’t have missed the 2 anguished German cries of “medic!”… :banghead:

game over…

(Carcifier) #42

Enemy medics that heal you when you are undercover as Covert Ops.

I’ve had enemy medics and field ops resupply me with health and ammo, only to mysteriously be stabbed in the back moments later. It’s not that I didn’t appreciate the gesture Mr. nOOb, it’s just that I thought you needed a lesson.

My favorite nOOb exploitation is infiltrating the bank on Gold Rush, when your teamates are unable to break through. I like to pretend to be a Axis soldier for a bit. I go prone, I watch a couple of my teamates get shot. Build up trust I figure. People don’t get nervous about me moving around then. They are sure I am not the enemy. I’ll even get healed by the medic at this point. Then I get up, look at where everyone is positioned, try to figure out where the best place to throw the satchel is. How many am I going to have to shoot in the back etc. Then do it.

Brings back memories of the original Team Fortress for Quakeworld, 2fort4, the sniper deck, killing snipers with the knife, playing dead, watching them go crazy and start shooting each other because they can’t figure out who the spy is.

Patience is the best weapon of any covert ops. :slight_smile:

(Ragnar_40k) #43

Yesterday on Oasis map:
We got the flag really fast within one minute and I ran to the wall to plant a dyno. While arming it I noticed a satchel landing next to me. “Ok”, I thought, “A noobish cov ops who tries to blast the wall with his satchel”, so I backed up a few steps, waiting for him to blast his satchel (he had his detonator already out). I waited about 5 seconds - nothing. “Mmmh, maybe not a noob”, was my next thought, “Maybe a cov ops who wants to protects the dyno with his satchel”. Since my dyno starts to fade I ran back to arm it fully. The next thing was, that I got blasted (and another engi who tried to plant) by the satchel.

Another one on Radar map:
I grabbed the radar parts and ran like hell to the truck. I was low on health and got shot about 2 meters away from the truck. But hey, there where 3 or 4 allies around me, so I thought one would pick it up and finish the round. But no, they waited for the next axis respawn wave, got all killed and axis returned the parts. (Is it possible that some players dont know how the radar parts look like?)

(Borsuk) #44

Well, squirrels claim that you can get out of such cage. To do that:

  1. Climb up the ladder
  2. jump on the… thing (there are 2, left and right) with pipe comming out of it
  3. jump on the wall
  4. jump out of your prison, but avoid contact with barbed wire
(spoon) #45

The only thing more dangerous than a n00b with no clue is…

A n00B WITH HALF A CLUE :banghead:

First off, before we get started here on my tales of anguish, I’d just like to state for the record that for some inexplicable, unimaginable reason, n00bs are drawn to me like fleas to a hound. I could be on a team of 12 people on Allies (myself and 11 of the finest from the White Text Brigade) and only have 3 of my clan brethern on Axis, and I guarantee you each and every time you will see:

ETPlayer joined the Allied team. :banana:

So I find myself frequently an ad hoc leader of the Rainman Regiment. Despite the fact that I’m the only one that knows where the objectives are, they all follow me around like little ducklings… merrily watching as I get gunned down making a mad dash for the flag or trying to plant my dynamite, and then merrily watching the other team cut them to shreds.

Over the past week, however, I’ve noticed that my little ducklings are starting to catch on. I don’t know who’s teaching them, but some of the brighter ones are actually trying to execute higher level tactics.

Monday – Seawall Battery – Allies

I manage to marshal a force of 3 E’s up at the backdoor, convince them to build the CP, and then convince them to stay put and stay out of site while I go hunt down a uniform. A medic joins the party, and I think to myself, “Awesome! They’re figuring it out!”

So I run down to the beach, and BONUS! One of my buds on Axis was launched down onto the beach by a fortunate arty blast… they never make this mistake. It only happens once a century. And I’m in the right place at the right time.

I pounce on the corpse and start yanking off the uniform. Surviving Axis up on the ridge see this, and start opening fire. I take substantial damage, but I get the uni and start hauling back up the trail to the CP to get some health and go blow the generator (the element of surprise has been lost, so what the hey?)

I round the top of the trail, and there are my little ducklings waiting for me. One of the E’s shouts “Woohoo!”, “Atta way, baby!”, “You got it man!”. I feel like a proud parent. They know what’s about to happen. All I need is some health…

Oh. Hello. The Medic is blocking my way. Ok. Maybe he’ll just give me health and we’ll be in business without having to take the detour.

Med pak pops up in his hands. YES!

Med pak is replaced by a .45 pistol. NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

POW

Needle pops out, I get revived, and the medic hands me a few health paks to bring me back up to 100%.

I cried.

Wednesday – Fuel Depot – Allies

We’re getting ripped to shreds. The cheeky bastards on Axis have actually pushed all the way back across the river and are spawn camping us. The Rainman Regiment is in disarray and we’ve definitely lost the initiative. Time for some heroic, all-star, Method-Man-I-Came-to-Bring-the-Pain style action. First job, mop up all Axis on our side of the river.

I get a couple, but there’s a sniper hiding around here somewhere who finally gets me. Where the hell is he? Oh… over by the 2nd cabin where the health and ammo are. Sneaky, but you’re a dead man now, pal.

Respawn, sneak out the back of the cabin, circle back the long way, and come face to face with the Axis CO. I just notice the satchel charge at my feet as I hear that damn whistling noise… I jump back enough to stay alive, but I take 75% damage. I drop a couple of rounds into him, but no good… he’s got his pistol out and finishes me off.

Fortunately, I catch a quick respawn… I bust butt and get over to the second cabin, and there’s the CO… IN MY UNIFORM.

Now, one of my ducklings has seen the CO ganking my threads and decided to give chase. Unfortunately, he’s on the other side of the wall from me and doesn’t see me running up to clean up my own mess. The CO, in my uniform and with my name ducks around behind the back of the cabin. I chase him. My duckling finally comes around the wall and sees what he thinks is the CO in my uniform.

So he shoots. And shoots. And shoots. And I’m dead again. And just as the duckling comes to a stop and is trying to figure out the implications of what he just did and where the CO went, the CO comes up behind him, knife out, and scores a quick kill.

And the last one I saw in a game last night (caps and everything): “CHUCK THE FLAGS ARE MINES NOT POWERUPS”

When. :banghead:
Does. :banghead:
The. :banghead:
Hurting. :banghead:
Stop. :banghead:

(blushing_bride) #46

One thing i see all the time on beach/battery is half the team at the back door trying to plant dynamite on it. They all crowd round the door and the gun port making a lot of noise so no axis no matter how stupid would go outside to donate a uniform.

Also when the axis have a decent mortar man and he is pummeling the allies starting spawn point not one of them switches to the other spawn point on the other side of the beach. I’ve racked up hundreds of points of XP being a medic while this happens. doh

(HillBilly) #47

LOL :skull:

(bogs) #48

rofl. that cracked me up.

(Dawg) #49

I think you have coined a new term for onling gaming:

Rainman Regiment (noun) 1. a team of players of primarily mediocre or worse skill level and little to no game knowledge. Frequently types in all-caps. Typically contains at least one player with the default player name (e.g. ETplayer).
see also: White Text Brigade.

(Wraith2k3) #50

I was playing Fuel Dump and i was on the Axis team working the mortar just outside the gate before the tank had gone over the bridge. ( i can hit a rabbit with the mortar :smiley: )

So can I :smiley:

See?

heh, not really. I suck with the mortar (not that I’ve used it all that often), I was just bored :slight_smile:

(ETplayer) #51

i got 1,

i usually go panzer or mortar wich pisses people really off, 3 people on the allied teamw ere bitching alot :blah: :blah:

I met the same 3 people in the tunnel just outside the axis fueldump-base,(u kno on the right side)
and i only had 1 grenade left, i wanted 2 throw it but they killed me be4 i could so it fell on the ground. They didnt notice this and started typing i deserved to die, aka: “fucking panzerwhore, u deserve to die u bitch” meanwhile the timer on the grenade was ticking down and all 3 of them got killed in the blast :blah: :blah:

Man that was some funny shit :drink: :banana:

(+Shadow+) #52

the funniest thing i ever encountred was a axis soldier asking how to use the MSG !!! LOL!!!
and on fueldump there was an allied engy asking how to move the tank lol.
on another server i was playing at fuel dump a dude runs and plants a dynamite at the main gate lol and after it blew he runs and plants another one lol :smiley: :eek2:

(Ranstaton) #53

“CHUCK THE FLAGS ARE MINES NOT POWERUPS”

That is fucking hilarious. :smiley:

Anyway, I got another:

My friend and I were playing on goldrush as axis. My friend, Goon, was a Field Op and was doing quite well. I have two computers that are in the same room and that’s what we are playing on. Goon says “Hey there’s this guy name ‘Disguised Enemy’ standing next to me.”

I just start laughing my ass off. I then scream at him to kill the guy.