GF wants to play DB but is turned off by the harassment she gets when playing.

(watsyurdeal) #61

[quote=“DatAssparagus;115085”]Hey everyone, thanks for chiming in.

We’ve joined DBN so hopefully things will be better off this way.

Also no, she’s an above average player and usually hits 2nd place or beats me at times in pubs, she says thanks for your guys’ concerns about her gaming skill. :neutral:

It’s sad that she is being told to basically just put up with it. Shouldn’t be that way. Yes the demographic is young and immature but they should know better. Just because they’re behind a computer doesn’t mean they’re allowed to spew profanities at another person online. It by definition is online harassment and I do think those players should be given warnings/suspensions to reduce the toxicity of the gameplay.

Lots of games have warnings about swearing and harassment. Db doesn’t. Doesn’t even have a filter that I’m aware of.

Anyways, all is good now. Thanks everyone.[/quote]

Look, I hate to be so blunt with you but the devs aren’t going to ban or punish people for harassment unless it’s excessive.

They know as well as anyone else here that the internet is just mixed bag, for all the freedom it provides it come with some cons too. Most you can do is mute people, and I also recommend the devs take note of this thread and mute chat for the person as well.

The bottom line is, even if she is a woman, the fact is harassment comes in all forms, it’s not specific to women but they are easy targets. And no I do not condone that shit at all, I just understand that the world doesn’t change over night because your feelings get hurt. I’m just being honest.

And for those of you who thought it was skill related…you’re fucking morons.

[quote=“Mercy;115059”]Tell her she needs tougher skin if she’s going to be a gamer in a male-dominated game. It comes with the territory. I’m a girl and I’ve heard probably everything in the book. Honestly, on DB it’s pretty tame and the shit-talking doesn’t tend to be gender-exclusive— meaning, everyone gets shit-talked at some point.

If someone shits on me in a match, I dish it right back. It helps that I play with my boyfriend and we’re usually in matches with the same tag, I’m sure. He’s one of those 55/5 snipers so he gets the most attention. Usually I just get people adding me on Steam if they hear me though. :tongue:

But yeah, tell her to toughen up and dish it back. Getting people aggro if they start crap with you is fun, tends to throw their game off if they’re too busy crying over not being able to push someone around. Just have fun with it, don’t take it so seriously.[/quote]

And this is why Mercy is awesome :slight_smile:

(Litego) #62

Shouldn’t be that way, but it is that way, and they do not know better. This is reality, and things aren’t always how we want them to be. So yeah, maybe it’s sad, but it’s true. If she want to continue playing she just has to learn to deal with it like everyone else.

(Faraleth) #63

@stealthyCharm use the @ symbol to tag people, not the # :stuck_out_tongue: And I don’t play solo queue comp right now - if I play comp, it’s with pre-mades and people I know. :slight_smile: So I use teamspeak for that.

also @Mercy bravo to you - made my freakin’ day reading that comment. Gave me a good laugh too xD heh

(ostmustis) #64

its pretty common that I get harrast before the game even starts, without having said nor typed a word. cough hidelevels cough

(neverplayseriou) #65

Wait u told me u didnt do comp D: @Faraleth

(immenseWalnut) #66

[quote=“Faraleth;115049”]Another thing worth mentioning is that I keep voice chat off 100% of the time. I just turn it off in the options menu, and I never have to put up with angry kiddies shouting over God-knows-what, or hearing how bad my team is, etc.

Most people won’t complain in text chat - but those who do… I just hope we get a text chat mute soon. rolls eyes[/quote]

Here is the thing though, you are basically saying ‘I don’t like you having freedom of speech, because I don’t like what you have to say’.

I mentioned this earlier in a way, we all have the power to both listen AND ignore people. If you are going to go through life being offended by anything anyone says ever, then you are giving them power over you.

I met a great guy years ago, a black guy, who used to smile anytime someone called him the n word (I would have typed it, but I think this speech of mine is too important to be removed by the moderators). I couldn’t wrap my head around it, so I asked him, why do you always smile when someone throws a seriously insulting racial slur at you? And he smiled at me, and said ‘If I react, then I am giving them control over me, I am giving them power over me. And I don’t want them to have that power. So I do the opposite, I smile at them, because it pisses them off, because I am showing them that I am in control, and I have power over them.’ Those weren’t his exact words of course, I am embellishing, but that was pretty much the context of that conversation.

What is astonishing about that, is that he was around 20 years old at the time, but he was remarkably wise. So here it is folks, you have two choices; be a little wimp that gives everyone power over you, and beg for a ‘safe space’ so you don’t have to feel bad, or grow up, and laugh at the silly little bastards that are trying to dominate you through bullying just so they can feel better about themselves. Recognise them for who and what they are, realise you are just plain better, and ignore them, without having to rely on a safe space that society provided for you to protect your fragile feelings.

(Faraleth) #67

@immenseWalnut The problem is though, it’s nothing about freedom of speech. A mute button isn’t “silencing” the other player, it’s simply an option to ignore what they are saying - it’s like walking away from someone. They can still stand there and shout all they want, and other people can hear them, but you have chosen to walk away.

People responding positively to abuse or harassment in an online game will almost never happen in reality. :s No one needs to care what other people have to say in an online game - it’s a game - people come to play and enjoy it, so if someone is being toxic or abusive, no one is required to listen to them. Simply mute and move on. :slight_smile:

(immenseWalnut) #68

@immenseWalnut The problem is though, it’s nothing about freedom of speech. A mute button isn’t “silencing” the other player, it’s simply an option to ignore what they are saying - it’s like walking away from someone. They can still stand there and shout all they want, and other people can hear them, but you have chosen to walk away.

People responding positively to abuse or harassment in an online game will almost never happen in reality. :s No one needs to care what other people have to say in an online game - it’s a game - people come to play and enjoy it, so if someone is being toxic or abusive, no one is required to listen to them. Simply mute and move on. :)[/quote]

Yes, but the point I was trying to make (and the entire purpose of this reply is to make the EXACT same point), is that walking away is weak, whereas saying ‘yeah, whatever’ is stronger. The moment you walk away, is the moment you bent over and took it, the moment you gave them power over you. The moment you say ‘yeah, whatever’, is the moment you laughed at them and showed them that YOU have power over THEM.

I say this again and again, and I really wish people would listen. When somebody tries to upset you, when they call you names, or bully you etc, it is a subconcious battle for dominance, and when you sidestep it, for whatever excuse you have, then you have lost. When someone insults me, I provoke them, on purpose, because I recognise that subconcious attempt on their part to bully me, so I show them that I am better than they are.

And if they throw a punch, I block it, and break their jaw. This is what power is, this is what strength is. You can back down if you want, and then make excuses afterwards for ‘reasons’ but nothing will ever change the fact that it is weakness on your part. Be strong! x

(immenseWalnut) #69

Honestly, you have no idea how satisfying it is, to have someone try to bully and dominate you, and then turn it on them, and watch them piss their pants in fear. Be STRONG! x

(immenseWalnut) #70

[quote=“Mercy;115059”]Tell her she needs tougher skin if she’s going to be a gamer in a male-dominated game. It comes with the territory. I’m a girl and I’ve heard probably everything in the book. Honestly, on DB it’s pretty tame and the shit-talking doesn’t tend to be gender-exclusive— meaning, everyone gets shit-talked at some point.

If someone shits on me in a match, I dish it right back. It helps that I play with my boyfriend and we’re usually in matches with the same tag, I’m sure. He’s one of those 55/5 snipers so he gets the most attention. Usually I just get people adding me on Steam if they hear me though. :tongue:

But yeah, tell her to toughen up and dish it back. Getting people aggro if they start crap with you is fun, tends to throw their game off if they’re too busy crying over not being able to push someone around. Just have fun with it, don’t take it so seriously.[/quote]

Haha, did you notice how a lot of people sucked up to you the moment you told them you are a girl? Big deal, learn to play! :wink:

I hadn’t even read your post until I started seeing your fanboys worshipping you. Pathetic, isn’t it? :neutral:

(Faraleth) #71

[quote=“immenseWalnut;115368”]Yes, but the point I was trying to make (and the entire purpose of this reply is to make the EXACT same point), is that walking away is weak, whereas saying ‘yeah, whatever’ is stronger. The moment you walk away, is the moment you bent over and took it, the moment you gave them power over you. The moment you say ‘yeah, whatever’, is the moment you laughed at them and showed them that YOU have power over THEM.

I say this again and again, and I really wish people would listen. When somebody tries to upset you, when they call you names, or bully you etc, it is a subconcious battle for dominance, and when you sidestep it, for whatever excuse you have, then you have lost. When someone insults me, I provoke them, on purpose, because I recognise that subconcious attempt on their part to bully me, so I show them that I am better than they are.

And if they throw a punch, I block it, and break their jaw. This is what power is, this is what strength is. You can back down if you want, and then make excuses afterwards for ‘reasons’ but nothing will ever change the fact that it is weakness on your part. Be strong! x[/quote]

@immenseWalnut The thing is though, a lot of people just don’t care to be “strong” and fight back, there’s no point. There is no requirement to show your dominance or even that you care - if they are on “ignore”, what is the point? You can’t hear them, they have no effect. :slight_smile:

I’m saying this as more of a general point and not just my opinion - the reality is people just don’t care to fight back, and those that do simply end up feeding the troll the majority of the time. Not a lot of people can stand up and stay unprovoked themselves :s

(immenseWalnut) #72

[quote=“Faraleth;115378”][quote=“immenseWalnut;115368”]Yes, but the point I was trying to make (and the entire purpose of this reply is to make the EXACT same point), is that walking away is weak, whereas saying ‘yeah, whatever’ is stronger. The moment you walk away, is the moment you bent over and took it, the moment you gave them power over you. The moment you say ‘yeah, whatever’, is the moment you laughed at them and showed them that YOU have power over THEM.

I say this again and again, and I really wish people would listen. When somebody tries to upset you, when they call you names, or bully you etc, it is a subconcious battle for dominance, and when you sidestep it, for whatever excuse you have, then you have lost. When someone insults me, I provoke them, on purpose, because I recognise that subconcious attempt on their part to bully me, so I show them that I am better than they are.

And if they throw a punch, I block it, and break their jaw. This is what power is, this is what strength is. You can back down if you want, and then make excuses afterwards for ‘reasons’ but nothing will ever change the fact that it is weakness on your part. Be strong! x[/quote]

@immenseWalnut The thing is though, a lot of people just don’t care to be “strong” and fight back, there’s no point. There is no requirement to show your dominance or even that you care - if they are on “ignore”, what is the point? You can’t hear them, they have no effect. :slight_smile:

I’m saying this as more of a general point and not just my opinion - the reality is people just don’t care to fight back, and those that do simply end up feeding the troll the majority of the time. Not a lot of people can stand up and stay unprovoked themselves :s [/quote]

Hmm, see, this is where we differ. You are right, a lot of people don’t want to fight or be strong. At least that is what they will tell other people, that they have some self-righteous reason (I hate violence, I am a pacifist, I let that guy drink my pint and let him pump my girlfriend because it would have been wrong to break his jaw etc), but the truth is, these are all just excuses.

Deep down, subconciously, they DO want to be strong, it is instinctive in us as human beings (strive to be the alpha male etc). You can’t just overturn thousands of years of evolution just because you changed your mind, or because society says you are entitled to a safe space where you are free from criticism (even if you deserve it).

Try explaining all of your reasons to a hot chick in a bar, she will either yawn seriously or she will fake a pretend yawn in the hopes that you will leave so she doesn’t have to tell you to piss off. Because subconciously, even without knowing anything about you, she will read your behaviour and will determine whether you are strong or weak. Trust me on this, woman are not smarter or dumber than us guys, but they DO have a remarkable ability to read body language, far better than us chaps do. And none of your reasons will make the blindest bit of difference, you will either turn her on or bore her, and it will depend on your behaviour, not your stories, your ideas or your excuses.

I am serious, I am not trying to insult you, or offend you, I am trying to promote an idea that matters more than anything. As much as I love being the only real man in the room and having my pick of the hot chicks (yippee!), I want to see everyone in the entire world step up and realise their full potential. Put the excuses in the bin, step outside your comfort zone, and…be STRONG!

(Faraleth) #73

[quote=“immenseWalnut;115383”]Hmm, see, this is where we differ. You are right, a lot of people don’t want to fight or be strong. At least that is what they will tell other people, that they have some self-righteous reason (I hate violence, I am a pacifist, I let that guy drink my pint and let him pump my girlfriend because it would have been wrong to break his jaw etc), but the truth is, these are all just excuses.

Deep down, subconciously, they DO want to be strong, it is instinctive in us as human beings (strive to be the alpha male etc). You can’t just overturn thousands of years of evolution just because you changed your mind, or because society says you are entitled to a safe space where you are free from criticism (even if you deserve it).

Try explaining all of your reasons to a hot chick in a bar, she will either yawn seriously or she will fake a pretend yawn in the hopes that you will leave so she doesn’t have to tell you to piss off. Because subconciously, even without knowing anything about you, she will read your behaviour and will determine whether you are strong or weak. Trust me on this, woman are not smarter or dumber than us guys, but they DO have a remarkable ability to read body language, far better than us chaps do. And none of your reasons will make the blindest bit of difference, you will either turn her on or bore her, and it will depend on your behaviour, not your stories, your ideas or your excuses.

I am serious, I am not trying to insult you, or offend you, I am trying to promote an idea that matters more than anything. As much as I love being the only real man in the room and having my pick of the hot chicks (yippee!), I want to see everyone in the entire world step up and realise their full potential. Put the excuses in the bin, step outside your comfort zone, and…be STRONG! [/quote]

@immenseWalnut You make a good point on some of your points, but what I am talking about is the context of the situation. Someone starts giving me grief or being an ass in real life, then sure, I’m the same as you - more or less. I don’t like bullies and I don’t like egotistical assholes, but the thing is… it’s a video game :s An online video game and quite frankly I play for fun and don’t want to spend my time proving to people how “strong” I am. I don’t really care, and that’s the same with a lot of other people :L

So, I get your point :slight_smile: I really do, I just don’t think it quite applies here.

(capriRocket) #74

@immenseWalnut

sorry but you cannot compare verbal assaults on the internet with real life.
most of us learn to ignore at some point because “arguing with an idiot on the internet is like xxx, he will take you down on his level and beat you with experience”.

i forgot the exact sentence but you can prolly google that to find a .gif.

go ahead, be an E-Thug, show them your power. most of us will just demonstrate our power by actions ingame. then perhaps at the score screen reply when he sees you completely owned him.

i can see your point but the internet is not the same as real life conflict.

(immenseWalnut) #75

[quote=“Faraleth;115387”][quote=“immenseWalnut;115383”]Hmm, see, this is where we differ. You are right, a lot of people don’t want to fight or be strong. At least that is what they will tell other people, that they have some self-righteous reason (I hate violence, I am a pacifist, I let that guy drink my pint and let him pump my girlfriend because it would have been wrong to break his jaw etc), but the truth is, these are all just excuses.

Deep down, subconciously, they DO want to be strong, it is instinctive in us as human beings (strive to be the alpha male etc). You can’t just overturn thousands of years of evolution just because you changed your mind, or because society says you are entitled to a safe space where you are free from criticism (even if you deserve it).

Try explaining all of your reasons to a hot chick in a bar, she will either yawn seriously or she will fake a pretend yawn in the hopes that you will leave so she doesn’t have to tell you to piss off. Because subconciously, even without knowing anything about you, she will read your behaviour and will determine whether you are strong or weak. Trust me on this, woman are not smarter or dumber than us guys, but they DO have a remarkable ability to read body language, far better than us chaps do. And none of your reasons will make the blindest bit of difference, you will either turn her on or bore her, and it will depend on your behaviour, not your stories, your ideas or your excuses.

I am serious, I am not trying to insult you, or offend you, I am trying to promote an idea that matters more than anything. As much as I love being the only real man in the room and having my pick of the hot chicks (yippee!), I want to see everyone in the entire world step up and realise their full potential. Put the excuses in the bin, step outside your comfort zone, and…be STRONG! [/quote]

@immenseWalnut You make a good point on some of your points, but what I am talking about is the context of the situation. Someone starts giving me grief or being an ass in real life, then sure, I’m the same as you - more or less. I don’t like bullies and I don’t like egotistical assholes, but the thing is… it’s a video game :s An online video game and quite frankly I play for fun and don’t want to spend my time proving to people how “strong” I am. I don’t really care, and that’s the same with a lot of other people :L

So, I get your point :slight_smile: I really do, I just don’t think it quite applies here.[/quote]

You are very right mate, but even though it is a game, personality shines through. Same as it does on a forum when we talk to each other. It really does stand out. The more insecure a person is, the more they will try and provoke and intimidate people (or just flat out try and get a reaction), because their insecurities about their lack of dominance in real life will trigger them to identify weaker people online so they can bully them (so they can feel good about how worthless they really are).

And this is especially true online (even more so than in real life), because there are fewer consequences. These weak little wimps don’t need to fear a broken jaw (just to carry on that particular meme), they feel safe, so it makes them worse, and the more cowardly they are, the more of a bellend they will act when they feel safe, but it changes nothing, they are still weak little worms looking to dominate you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you won because you were the bigger man and walked away, I guarantee you they will think they won, and so will any observers (and in my earlier point about picking up hot chicks, they will lose interest in you the moment you back down). Be STRONG!

(immenseWalnut) #76

[quote=“capriRocket;115388”]@immenseWalnut

sorry but you cannot compare verbal assaults on the internet with real life.
most of us learn to ignore at some point because “arguing with an idiot on the internet is like xxx, he will take you down on his level and beat you with experience”.

i forgot the exact sentence but you can prolly google that to find a .gif.

go ahead, be an E-Thug, show them your power. most of us will just demonstrate our power by actions ingame. then perhaps at the score screen reply when he sees you completely owned him.

i can see your point but the internet is not the same as real life conflict.[/quote]

And this is where I have to argue. You are right of course, but the internet invites fake bravery because of the lack of consequences. The cowards out there will try twice as hard when they know they wont get their weak little arses kicked. I am not saying go at them balls out, I am saying learn to recognise who and what they are, and act accordingly.

It all boils down to the same thing, whether face to face or online, it is a subconcious battle for dominance, and it is just as easy to do online as it is face to face.

A short story to prove my point, I was playing online poker a few months ago, and there was this mouthy little prick on my table. He went all in regularly to push people out of the hand, and kept mouthing off at people. I calmly took the piss out of him, and beat him everytime (bad players do this all the time, they are easy to beat if you wait for the right moment).

I took a lot of chips off him, so he tried to focus on me, throwing lots of mother insults etc. So I calmly re-raised him everytime he tried to be the table bully, and he folded everytime. I wiped my arse with his confidence, and we both knew it, and I took great pleasure in pointing it out to him, and everyone else on the table. He ran away in the end. Be STRONK!

(Fiktio) #77

@immenseWalnut This is going a bit off topic, but the great thing in online games is that you have no need to care about what others think about you.
I have no need to prove anyone that “I’m strong” or boost my own self-esteem by other ways. Random people I meet in online games won’t define me, I have no need to take any insult seriously people throw at me. I know who I am and what kind of person I am. Random person in the internet won’t change that, even if they made me mute them in-game and they believe that they “won the fight.” That random person have 0 impact to my real life.

Also I have no need to keep people unmuted, if they are “making my ears bleed” by yelling to microphone, harassing others or just being completely donkeys in the voice chat.
Muting those people will allow me to focus to better what’s most important, focus to the game itself.
Who cares what does that person X think about you, when you blocked them?
Let that person believe that he’s “the alpha who dominates everyone by annoying people in online games.” (And now I couldn’t stop smiling when I wrote that. Sounds so hilarious!)

What others think about you shouldn’t have an impact to you by anyway.
If people are making you mute and then afterwards the same people believe that they are strongest people in the internet, let them believe so and live in their own little world in their own little mind.
At the end it doesn’t even matter. We are just playing the game. :slight_smile:

(Faraleth) #78

[quote=“immenseWalnut;115390”]You are very right mate, but even though it is a game, personality shines through. Same as it does on a forum when we talk to each other. It really does stand out. The more insecure a person is, the more they will try and provoke and intimidate people (or just flat out try and get a reaction), because their insecurities about their lack of dominance in real life will trigger them to identify weaker people online so they can bully them (so they can feel good about how worthless they really are).

And this is especially true online (even more so than in real life), because there are fewer consequences. These weak little wimps don’t need to fear a broken jaw (just to carry on that particular meme), they feel safe, so it makes them worse, and the more cowardly they are, the more of a bellend they will act when they feel safe, but it changes nothing, they are still weak little worms looking to dominate you. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you won because you were the bigger man and walked away, I guarantee you they will think they won, and so will any observers (and in my earlier point about picking up hot chicks, they will lose interest in you the moment you back down). Be STRONG![/quote]

@immenseWalnut But this is the thing… I don’t need to be the “bigger man”. :L I really just don’t care, and that is the case with a lot of people. Let the kids scream and shout, argue all they please, and walk away. I don’t care if they think they “won”, I have bigger problems to deal with than some egotistical asshole on the internet feeling like the “big man”. I’m just sayin’, haha.

Like I said, I get your point, but I really don’t agree. I’ll assert my dominance where I need it, which is not on a video game, heh…

(stealthyCharm) #79

Also, btw, if you are being bullied for being bad. I just point some good attitude towards it.
One thing I do is respond with this “Ok”. I guarantee you they will flip, and it’s hilarious.

(Backuplight) #80

Pugs are the root of all evil. Join the steam group, make friends, play with them, and enjoy harassment free gaming.