Merc's Described in One Sentence

(Muddy Muddy Mud Nade) #1
  • Aimee: “Don’t tell me to push the EV when you can’t land a headshot on a Rhino standing still”
  • Arty: “PRESS E, FOR GOD’S SAKE”
  • Aura: “JUST REVIVE ME YOU DEGENERATE”
  • Bushwhacker: “Your turret is pointed towards a wall, idiot”
  • Fletcher: “Will you please just repair the EV and stop trying to make that trickjump to flank?”
  • Guardian: “Good job missing me with your revive, idiot”
  • Javelin: “Just stand still for a second, please!”
  • Kira: “Stop spamming kawaii, you’re not funny”
  • Fragger: “Cook the frag, dude, coooooook the frag”
  • Nader: “SHOOT YOUR GRENADES AT THE GENERATOR, PLEASE”
  • Phantom: “You have a gun, y’know?”
  • Phoenix: “Charge the healing pulse, don’t just tap it”
  • Proxy: “Why are you flanking, JUST DEFUSE THE C4”
  • Red Eye: “I can’t see, you freaking mongoloid”
  • Rhino: “You know you can stop revving your minigun, right?”
  • Sawbonez: “I’m standing still, how are you still missing me with your medpacks?”
  • Skyhammer: “PRESS EEEEEEEEEEE”
  • Sparks: “You know those health packs can heal other people too, right?”
  • Stoker: “Where the hell is your ammo station?”
  • Thunder: “Good job blinding yourself, idiot”
  • Turtle: “Stop trying to put your shield down in the perfect spot, and just plant the C4”
  • Vassili: “Stop bottomscoring, then tell me to plant the C4”

Feel free to post your sentences.

(Your worst knifemare.) #2
  • Nader: Stop martydoming when I’m about to revive you!
  • Guardian: I don’t always try to fully revive my team, but when I do, they get gibbed.
  • Kira: -insert weeb joke here.-
  • Vassili: No matter how good I can aim, you will never see me at the objective.
  • Pheonix: Every time I self revive, I get gibbed.
  • Fragger: I have 90 kills and 0 deaths, must be all of the grenades I throw every spawn wave.
  • Rhino: Auras love me, other medics don’t.
  • Phantom: You see nobody.
  • Thunder: You see nothing.

@MuddyGrenade said:

  • Stoker: “Where the hell is your health station?”
(Artyrim) #3

@MuddyGrenade said:

  • Proxy: “Why are you flanking, JUST DEFUSE THE C4”

As Proxy main I heard this many many many times. But I reply with " How? If all enemies are alive and you just hide how the fu ck I’m supposed to do my job??? "

The rest is just the truth in the end -__-

I can add :

  • Vassili : STOP SPAMMING FOR AMMO WHEN WITH ALL YOUR AMMO CAN’T EVEN HIT AN ENEMY
  • Nader: STOP KILLING ME WHEN I TRY TO REVIVE YOU IN RANKED
  • Stocker : ARE YOU AN IDIOT?? USE YOUR FUCKING MOLOTOV ON C4…“when he uses it for c4” OH GOD HOW THE FUCK YOU MISSED THAT C4???
(frostyvampire) #4

@MuddyGrenade said:

  • Stoker: “Where the hell is your health station?”

k

(Press E) #5
  • Hunter: “Please stop trying to play Hanzo”
(Muddy Muddy Mud Nade) #6

@frostyvampire said:

@MuddyGrenade said:

  • Stoker: “Where the hell is your health station?”

k

Guess I’m the idiot, lol.
Fixed.

(AlbinMatt) #7

Phoenix: I run out to revive you, and instead you get headshotted by the bottomfragging Vaseline when you self revived.

Bushwhacker: I have twenty kills and sixty assists, and none of them were from my gun.

Skyhaggis: My brothers rained down the EV like Nagasaki, then just spammed Deagle shots at it after the enemy team repaired it not thirty seconds later.

(Meerkats) #8

Aimee: “I wish I wasn’t entirely redundant.”

Bushwhacker: “I wish I had $60 so I could afk in ****watch.”

Fletcher: “Okay, in your own time, point to the places on the doll where the bad man touched you.”

Guardian: “Half-Asian, half-Goblin, all-MOBA.”

Hunter: “I wish I had $60 so I could do the memes in ****watch.”

Javelin: “Yoga pants.”

Kira: “More than one waifu will destroy your laifu.”

Phantom: “Cancer.”

Rhino: “I wish I had $60 so I could hold down LMB for ten minutes in ****watch.” Also, “cancer.”

Skyhammer: “Lvl.2? Lvl.2.” Also, “treeeeeeeemendous.”

( Bad ) Sparks: “Lol, Sporks.”

( Good ) Sparks: “Fucking. Fucking. Fucking. Fucking bullshit 200 HP fucking necromancer faerie fucking why won’t you fucking die?!”

Stoker: “I am a little bit on fire. This is fine. Everything is fine.”

Thunder: “Cancer.”

Turtle: “Cancer.”

Vassili: “Oh, great, I’m spotted. Again. This is a super fun mechanic.”

(Your worst knifemare.) #9

Thunder: You all call me OP and unfair even though I have to go and expose myself to kill people.
Fragger: I’m such a skilled merc, I spend 75% of the game hiding around corners and kill the enemy team without them being able to fight back.

(Xenithos) #10

Note, this is a splendid post, though your title says describes merc, though OP posted lines that are more what you say to them. Now, my turn to copy what OP did. These are all based on lines I’ve ACTUALLY said.

  • Aimee: “That’s a terrible place to throw your snitch…” or “THROW YOUR SNITCH DANG IT!”
  • Arty: “You really should use the walls to target your Arty Strike…” “Oh look, more arty spam” (When on Chapel:)“This map is better known as ATTACK ON ARTY” “E. YOU NEED TO PRESS E.”
  • Aura: “Place your station, and be ready to revive me. Stop being a hero at the 20 second mark.”
  • Bushwhacker: “You really shouldn’t put that there…” “I hate turrets”
  • Fletcher: “Man you are bad at this…” “Oh crap, he’s really good…”
  • Guardian: “Charge that revive you idiot! It literally takes a second! ITS THE ONLY HEALING YOU HAVE FOR PETES SAKE!”
  • Javelin: “Get over here…” “Rocket jumping noob…” “HA! HE KILLED HIMSELF WITH A ROCKET!”
  • Kira: “Ha, couldn’t place a laser…” “Oh crap, he actually got out the laser…” #Late 2017 problems…
  • Fragger: “Get the fudge out of my way fatty. I said OUT Grandpa.” This guy soaks sooo many bullets. Or the enemy version pops in your way when you’re playing 181 tornado sparks and you pretty much instant die.
  • Nader: “WHY ARE YOU USING THEM ON ONE PERSON!?”
  • Phantom: “You have a gun, y’know?” “You have a sword you know. Rule of Phantom says if you’re playing Phantom and attack another Phantom you’re supposed to use it.”
  • Phoenix: "Charge the healing pulse, don’t just tap it"
  • Proxy: “Man I hate Proxy. Two too many.”
  • Red Eye: “Why’d you have to go and fart there…”
  • Rhino: “Ah yeah, we got a Rhino!” “Oh crap, they got a Rhino…”
  • Sawbonez: “I’m standing still, how are you still missing me with your Medpacks?” “I came, I S… Oh c’mon, no honor.”
  • Skyhammer: “Your Airstrike flies perpendicular to the angle you threw it. Which means you should throw it while facing the SIDE of the EV. Kapeesh?” Seriously, this annoys me so much to see new Skyhammers throwing airstrikes soooo badly…
  • Sparks: “Ah, Hey there Sparksypoo” “Oh dang, she can hit with that thing…”
  • Stoker: “V22.” “Throw your molotov on the healing station you idiot. No, the other heal station… That’s an ammo station for pete’s sake…”
  • Thunder: “Stop throwing that in front of me. This is ranked…” “You know, you should really tell me where you plan to use that so I can go there.”
  • Turtle: "Stop trying to put your shield down in the perfect spot, and just plant the C4"
  • Vassili: “… Really? A third Vassili?” “No wonder you guys are getting nowhere… just look at all the snipers”
(Da_Mummy) #11

Arty: PRESS E
Skyhammer: PRESS E
Stoker PRESS E
Kira: PRESS E
Engineers: PRESS E on the objective
Aura: PREEEESSS EEEE
I don’t know why but some people are apparently missing a certain button on their keyboard

(Muddy Muddy Mud Nade) #12

@Xenithos said:
Note, this is a splendid post, though your title says describes merc, though OP posted lines that are more what you say to them. Now, my turn to copy what OP did. These are all based on lines I’ve ACTUALLY said.

Yeah, I realized that while I was typing it, but I figured everyone would get the joke and I didn’t want to explicitly state it.

(JonBongNoJovi) #13

Stoker/Kira : Obviously spawn is the best place for when people need ammo.