Hello everyone, I’m new here and I must say I’m loving Dirty Bomb so far. I’ve got a little more than a week under my belt so I’m hardly your average Joe C. Scrubbins that runs with their gun out and has never heard of headshot damage multipliers.
I so far have several Bronze cards already (plus a Gold Fletcher that I got from a case which I think looks disgusting and lacks muh :not:MP9). I have only bought Kira so far (spent $0.00 as of now since grinding is actually sort of viable because the game dumps cases like no tomorrow and the challenges are easy money makers) because that laser looked like too much fun to not have, and a character that says kawaii (I don’t know why as of yet, but it’s still hilarious) is just too cheesy to pass up.
My character impressions:
-Arty seems incredibly useless. Like, I get the artillery is fast with its CD, but it still does piss half the time.
-Aura is hilarious to tank assault players with. The health station is amazing, but people tend to get gibbed before I can give them the patty cake.
-Bushy’s turret dies to a light breeze. He’s great with good turret placement but the turret still is really easy to kill.
-Fletcher is fun and his personality is charming, but I feel the stickies dud half the time.
-Fragger Mc. Instakill is scary as hell when cooking grenades and is a great pseudo-tank. I like him, though I’m probably not buying him till after I get a permanent Engi.
-Kira is glassy as they come, but I get to chase people down with laser beams. Come on, that’s like, hilarious.
-Nader the spammer is strongish, but not as good as Fragger. Her value is in the spreadability of the :not:MGL and her weapon picks for CQC and the occasional clutch Martyr on the C4.
-Phantom is a pain. He’s not OP, but like, that shield tanks too much. I can spot him easily (I only get jumped when I’m flanked because my pubs are blind half the time), but why does he take so much damage when he defensively cloaks to close the gap? Devs plz.
-Like, I swear I see Proxy mines coming, but it’s the ones I don’t. Oh god, the moment you done realize you goofed hardcore (especially when you’re the only Engi) is so painful. Other than that, shotgunning is fun.
-Rhino is a bad joke. I get how he’s balanced, but my pubs don’t understand how flanking works. Help, I need an adult.
-Sawbonez is great for team play as far as I can tell, but I haven’t quite gotten to playing him yet.
-Skyhammer is the real bread and butter merc IMO. You get decent HP, a good range of medium range weaponry, and an objective clearing airstrike that doubles as a heavily watered down grenade. I’ve had fun playing him in my grind to Kira, but the laser, the laser!
-Sparks’ med bags are bad jokes and her rez gun is too MLG for me to use as a sniper. You can’t just give me a character that can be cut down with a keen glare and tell me I can snipe with this two shot wonder you have to charge to fire.
-Vassili is the bane of my existence. I don’t snipe, and a sniper who’s good enough to be top fragging can totally lock down a match because pubs cannot into teamwork harder than Poland cannot into space.
My gun impressions:
The Assault Rifles:
-I’ve focused on the BR-16 and am fairly good at it, but a player with some legitimate skill with an SMG will still wreck my face in CQC (doesn’t stop me from getting some disgusting headshot parties with 4 pubs in the room in front of me that don’t know how to aim).
-I haven’t quite tried the :not:G3 much, but it feels really underwhelming in CQC (of course, to clarify, I mean smart placement and not hugging corners like some baby pining for their mother’s fresh shotgun pellet bottle to the face) compared to the BR-16 which can actually handle itself usually.
-I honestly haven’t used the M4 much, and the :not:AKM is absolute rubbish. The :not:AUG isn’t that hot either.
The SMGs:
-I’ve only tried the :not:MP5K and not the :not:MP5, but it feels like a great I win button for CQC against everything but shotgunners that can aim.
-I have used the :not:Vector a lot though, and I definitely am underwhelmed by it. The only pro it has IMO is not running out of ammo as fast as the other SMGs. Sure, I can mow people down with headshots, but other guns just seem to do the CQC job better.
-The :not:AK-74U is a powerhouse, but not as face melting as the best close range SMGs. Like a Blishlock but more reliable.
The (one?) GPMG (and to those not informed, the HK-21 is in fact not an LMG but a GPMG):
-The :not:HK-21 is fun, but damn am I totally useless if I run through both mags and my pubs don’t understand how the E button works.
Muh Shotguns:
-All the shotties feel the same to me, and I’m still working on landing every shot on an opponent that has their strafe game on point.
Sniper Rifle420toogoodsittingstaringdownsniperholeinUndergroundfromescalatorsandtotallygivingthefingertothedefenders:
-I don’t snipe.
Secondaries:
-PDWs are fun, especially muh :not:MP9. Pretty piss as far as actually winning 1v1s singlehandedly though.
-Pistols are all sort of the what I’d expect. Mag fed ones are all great and fast to get rounds on target and revolvers are all heavy hitting and the lot of them are only really good for finishing off kills unless your target is blind, deaf, and holding a cricket bat (dat run on sentence though).
Melee:
-I honestly did not know there was a heavy attack option until recently.
I feel comfy in most ranges and win most engagements, but I can’t help but feel like it’s because I normally engage totally inept pubs. So, any tips you’re willing to give me or corrections on great things I’m missing out on (sniping does not apply)? Any advice at all is appreciated. 
u can tell me u love me later