[How to] Clean up your computer

(hikkachu) #1

Hey! New poster, long time lurker. <3

I see a lot of posts about people having trouble with their PCs (viruses, etc) which makes Dirty Bomb unplayable…

Well that sucks! So I’m going to post a list of my favorite free programs that I use on a daily basis at my job to help people clean up their machines.

NOTE: None of these programs require money or any commitment! All they need is basic computer knowledge and the ability to use a mouse and keyboard. All programs below are for PC users. If you have a Mac, there are other programs out there to help you and I’ll post them when requested.

1. Malware Bytes
Scan time: Low-High
Internet required to scan?: No

This is the most popular one that most people already have on their computer. As I explain it to clients, “This helps find all the little stuff lurking around in your files that are slowing down your computer.” It’s important to note this will not find Trojans, but it’s good to run this if your computer isn’t acting funny, but you want to scan it anyway.
IMPORTANT NOTE: When the download is finished, do not choose the trial of the premium service.

2. SUPERAntiSpyware
Scan time: High
Internet required to scan?: No

I know what you’re thinking–this sounds like a load of potatoes, but I assure you it’s really legit. This program not only finds Trojans, but it also detects malicious programs on your computer and allows you to uninstall them through their window. This is perfect for tricky or stubborn browser extensions and adware.
IMPORTANT NOTE: When the download is finished, do not choose the trial of the premium service.

3. HitmanPRO
Scan time: Medium-High
Internet required to scan?: Yes

Having a weird proxy issue that doesn’t involve an objective specialist? (Haha lame joke, moving on.) This program finds not only adware, malware, and Trojans–it also tackles internet settings and options! If you can’t figure out what’s going on with your computer, this thing can. The only catch is that it’s required to be connected to the internet to scan–meaning no offline scan (well, it can still scan, it just sucks).
IMPORTANT NOTE: When the scan is completed, you’ll be prompted to either buy the program or activate the free 30 day trial. Choose the 30 day trial option and put in a fake email address… Sorry developers…

4. Microsoft Security Essentials (Windows 7) / Windows Defender (Windows 8 and 10)
Scan time: High
Internet required to scan?: No

Oh hey look! You can stop paying for Norton now because every Windows computer is eligible for a free anti-virus with MSE/MD!! This program has found multiple Trojans and even a Worm for me in the past so I trust it with my life. You can access it on your computer by searching the program under your start menu–no download necessary! Just update it and you’re protected! I suggest using this in conjunction with Malware Bytes or SUPERAntiSpyware just to be safe.
IMPORTANT NOTE: This program will not work in conjunction with another anti-virus program, such as Norton, Kaspersky, McAfee, AVG, Avast!, etc.

And that’s it! Those are the top 4 programs I use at work every day that save laptops. If you have any you’d like to add, just comment below!

Please note: This is just my personal opinion and these have worked for me in the past. I am not sponsored or paid by these companies in any way.

(Adam) #2

Adam’s guide to cleaning out a PC.

For this project we will need: A hose, Bleach, a towel, and BLR.

Start by applying bleach to all the components inside your PC. make sure to get in the fan, and in all the boxed up components.

Then take some BLR, and apply some to a your towel, and scrub away at the silver metal things on the green thingy. When all the silver metal things are gone, make sure to rinse it all down with water. I am using a hose for this project, as it is fast, and easy.

And there you have it. Your computer is clean.

(Disclaimer) Don’t do this, it’s a joke, and will fuck up your PC.

(Frogteam) #3

[quote=“Adam;90874”]For this project we will need: A hose, Bleach, a towel, and BLR.
[/quote]

At first I thought it called for a Horse.

Can someone please post a guide for me on how to get a horse out of my computer tower?

(Adam) #4

[quote=“Frogteam;90876”]
Can someone please post a guide for me on how to get a horse out of my computer tower?[/quote]

For this project, you will need, a cell phone, a fire department, a rope, a few tissues, hay, and lube.

Start by calling your local fire department. They have tons of experience in these events, and would be glad to assist you in this matter.

From there, get hay, and wave it infront of the horse’s face. Get someone from the Fire department to hold the hay, to free your hands.

Take the lube, and apply alot to the tissue. Don’t reuse the tissue you applied lube on, if the horse kicks you. This will cause an infection.

Take the tissue, and spread the lube around the outside of the horse.

From there tie the Rope to the horse, and have the fire department assist you in pulling.

Optional: Play heavy metal in the background to get everyone pumped up, and to have some bro-bonding after the job.

(hikkachu) #5

[quote=“Adam;90874”]Adam’s guide to cleaning out a PC.

For this project we will need: A hose, Bleach, a towel, and BLR.
[/quote]
This is a much easier and cost effective solution. Please disregard my original post.